he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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