I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
