Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
