There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Mom said you looked used
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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