she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
