evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
