totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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