But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I forget how to act sober
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
