but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
