Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
