After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
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