The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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