I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
