wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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