I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
