no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
