At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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