I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
