I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
