I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
