Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
So many bounce houses so little time
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
