I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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