i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Houston, we have a blender
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
