last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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