I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
