I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
