if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
