I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
