I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
