Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
