My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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