he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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