p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
