I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
