Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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