I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
