oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
