I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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