people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
