My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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