K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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