Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
