I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize