you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I have tasted many bathrooms
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize