So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
