I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just forgot I was standing up.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
