If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize