so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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