Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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