Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
