i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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