The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
