Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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