After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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