She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
