So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Randomize
