The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
