Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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