I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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