peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
