these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
