Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
