Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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