once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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