you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
mondays should just be called national damage control day
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
