she takes plan B like it's going out of style
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
