what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
