I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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