Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
