I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
