I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
