you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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