Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
